Thoughts on a Birthday

I did not think I’d be adding to this blog, now that my mother has passed away. Today, however, would have been her 92nd birthday. We often laughed at how her birthday frequently landed on Friday the 13th. Without realizing the significance of the day, I chose her favorite over-sized sweater to wear. As I read the news, I caught myself imagining what she would say to the current political situation and the irritated face she would make. I swam in the pool this morning and remembered how foreign my exercise routines looked to my mother. I silently replied to her that keeping my body strong is important to me, as if I were still a teenager needing to defend my position.

I am so sad that she (and I) had to endure her final years of pain and confusion: the indignities of having to be cranked up out of her wheelchair with a lift and the irrational fear it caused every time, the desperate scrambling to think of something to say that might hide her inability to follow the conversation, the loss of her ability to read or to think critically. On my part, it was a relentless source of grief and pain to watch the mighty person she had always been slowly dribble away, leaving just a shell.

So, almost a year after her death, I am happy for her. That may sound strange, but I believe that her soul is exuberant to be free of that failing body and brain and bouncing back to the full and fruitful person that had been imprisoned inside of it. I only wish she and I could talk again and I could hear her latest projects and friendships on the other side.

Perhaps you do not believe there is life after the death of a human body. I respect your view, as none of us has first-hand knowledge of that. Perhaps you view life after death as existing forever in either heaven or hell. I respect that view as well. My own belief, to a large degree learned from my own mother, is that she is residing in a middle world of spirit, aware of much more than any of us can see while on the earthly plane. She is probably tuned in to me right now, because I am thinking about her. She is probably hanging out with my father and her sisters, looking back on what all of them learned from their last life on the planet. She may be planning her next try, in her next incarnation and with a new mixture of friends and family to travel once again together. I cheer for her to be this new adventure and when my own life is over I anticipate sitting down together for a lot of catching up.

Happy birthday, Miriam!

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About bluestempond

Hobby farmer living at Bluestem Pond in Michigan.
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2 Responses to Thoughts on a Birthday

  1. Sally says:

    I’ve just begun wearing my mother’s clothes. I wish, too, that I could have one more conversation with her. Anniversaries like birthdays can be bittersweet reminders.

  2. JodiMelsness says:

    You and I have walked the same path. My moms clothes sit in my guest bedroom. I know I need to get tied of them, I did give them to a friend I know whose mom has the disease.
    As a nurse and I believer, I think they are enjoying life somewhere…free of pain or what burdens them. I hope both my mom and dad are watching over me. I’m happy you’re still writing.

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