What to say? We dropped by after church this afternoon and wheeled my mother across the hall to the TV room so we could sit at a table and play Dominos while we chatted. I find sitting on her bed and shouting is uncomfortable and awkward.
She is really unpredictable now. She only can carry on a conversation for about one sentence before losing the topic, and the things she says are a random mix of charming, rude, and mystical. Today, she asked me something I couldn’t follow and I looked at her and said, “What do you mean?” Clearly, she’d forgotten what she’d said and replied, “Why are you looking at me so intensely?” I said, “Nothing, never mind.” She said, “Now are you punishing me?” Sigh.
She said a number of things in complaint about the place where she lives, while snacking on the ice cream a caregiver brought her. She said it wasn’t very good. There were two cockatiels in a cage squawking to each other in the room. She tuned into them now and then and complained about the noise. I’d have thought she’d be happy to have such pretty birds to watch. In the hall behind me, she saw a nurse she likes and called out to her. A woman who holds a baby doll walked her wheelchair into the room and Mother commented derisively about her.
I asked her if she’d like to join in on the Domino game, but she had no interest. She asked if the rest of the family was playing Hide and Seek. I reminded her that my sister is on vacation out of state. I asked if she’d read her magazine yet, because tomorrow I’ll bring her the new edition. She said that was just my way of saying I am about to leave.
The things she says have a ring of truth to them that remind me there is an intelligent person hidden inside and her intelligence peeks out briefly amidst the nonsense. I have a hard time knowing how to react and how to make a pleasant visit she’ll enjoy. I get a little mad, I’ll admit, when she complains about people. As if she is the judge over it all, even though she has no perspective on her own state of mind anymore.
I guess now we are just in the home stretch, for how ever long it may take. This week, she looked at me and said, “I guess this is the end of the road.”
For The Rest of Her Life 
My visit with my Mom today was very similar , at first it was as if she was following our conversation , then she said 2 of the male residents were drunk lastnight n there family was called in n they were mad !! She told me she has worn the same out fit 5 days , I explained Id been there 3 times this week n it wasn’t ( : Its so hard to follow her train of thought , n yes my mom is also a judge ( :
Yeah, earlier this week my mother said the night before she’d been up on the roof looking into the windows. Either she was astral-projecting or she is nuts. I’ll keep an open mind.